Monday, March 9, 2009

The Orange Curtain

I lived in Orange County until I was 22 years old, behind the "Orange Curtain" as I have fondly come to call it. My life growing up was spent completely oblivious to the fact that there was civilization outside the bubble. I didn't know that in the "real world," botoxed stay-at-home-moms weren't the norm and people who owned 5-bedroom houses with pools and yards were fortunate and spoiled.

An example of the sheltering that is my adolescence: there were no homeless people in the city where I went to college because the Irvine police department picked them up, gave them $5 to not return, and moved them from Irvine to Santa Ana (a neighboring, far less classy city). I think in all of my 22 years behind the veil, I maybe saw 2 people sleeping on the street.

When I landed a job in Hollywood I vowed to hate living here. My first premonition was that it was dirty and too crowded with too many cars and that there were too many homeless people living on the street and that I didn't feel safe walking in the dark and that everyone was out to get me(the list could go on and on and on). Little did I know that after only a few months of living in a place all my own, LA and I became BFF's. Yes, there are too many homeless people living on the street, but believe or not after talking with some of them, they WANT to be homeless. Yes, I don't feel safe walking in the dark, but that's why I drive everywhere. Yes, there are too many cars, but see previous point...I'm not the only one who doesn't feel safe walking around the city.

I mean...let's be honest.Where else in the world can you eat somewhere different for dinner, EVERY NIGHT for literally the rest of your life? Where else in the world can you walk into the Arclight and see Vince Vaughn? Where else in the world do you get to see the pre-screenings of movies before they are out for all the public to see?

The only other place I know is the only other place I've lived. New York City was my home for a quarter of college, and someday, I'm sure I will move back again. I love the rush of the subways and Canal Street and the high-rise skyscrapers and the Broadway shows and the people and the carts on the corners and the fact that it snows. But in all my time in the city, not once did I ever have a fear of walking alone. Not once did I ever hate commuting by train. Not once did I hate seeing a Broadway show (yes, there were some bad ones, but they were all still magnificent pieces of art in their own respects).

After developing a dear love for the city known as Los Angeles, even though I claimed I wouldn't I have realized that I am not the only one in the world who recognizes the solid difference between the two BEST cities in the US of A. Alec Baldwin explains the dichotomy perfectly and therefore.....drumroll...........

His Conan interview:

Alec: You're going to live in LA...YOU IDIOT!

Alec: LA is so much different than New York.

Conan: Ok...tell us. What is the difference? I mean people love to talk about this, but in your estimation what is the difference between NY and LA?

Alec: In LA you have to drive everywhere. You gotta drive to go to the bathroom. I mean you get in your car to go to the bathroom...but the other thing is that in LA, people are very showbiz-y, cozy. You know if you had like the worst TV show in the world...if I did like Alec Baldwin, LOVE BUS. The reality show with me and a bunch of middle aged women and they're competing to be my lover. You're in LA and people won't even see the show but they'll read the trades and be like...hey Alec. How you doing man? LOVE BUS! Great man! You're looking great! Everything's great!

Conan: Everything is great no matter what?!

Alec: Everything is great if you're in show biz. Like when you're in New York, you're in a cab and you could have done Shakespeare in the Park and the driver will be like..."Alec, i saw you at the public the other night. What happened Alec? It was terrible. You didn't seem to be in control of all your faculties when you were out there."

Conan: They just give it to you straight.

Alec: "I mean you're no Ray Fines, Alec."

Conan: You don't get that!

Alec: But I mean, people in NY have an opinion.

Conan: And you are exposed to it because you're out there. You go, you get a bagel, you're not in your car, you're not insulated.

Alec: You're not insulated. (EXACTLY!)

Conan: I can't wait to be insulated....


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