Ingredients for dealing with a douche bag:
1 oz Tequila
1 Splash Tabasco Sauce
1 dash Worcestershire Sauce
Shoot. Revel in the fact that you were the bigger person.
Men are ballsy.
Jason. An EMT/server at claim jumper. I thought he was cute, and I left him my number on the top of our receipt. He didn't call so I wrote him off. A week and a half later, suddenly I was his #1 priority.
Our conversations, however, went a little something like this.
Jason: hey, its jason from claim jumper. so i put ur number in my server book, but couldn't remember for the life of me where i put it. until now when i was cleaning out my book ha. so hows it going?
*this text should have been my first clue....*
Kristen: Hi! I'm great. Stoked to have one more day of weekend before work again on Monday. What are you up to?
Jason:When you texted me back i was sleeping. i'm at the fire dept today working. where do you work at?
*Again...my gut should have said...STOP. Ending a sentence with a preposition? REALLY?*
Kristen: The Renaissance hotel in Hollywood. I work in the events dept. :) How was work? Long day?
Jason: I'm still at work. Don't get off til 6:30am tomorrow. 24 hour shifts.
*And that...my friends...is the way the rest of our conversations continued....completely stunted by the fact that he responded with one word answers and never posed questions back. Not to mention the fact that he never asked me anything but "What's up?" on numerous occasions.*
My favorite part of our short lived text message relationship, however, was this:
Kristen:...what are you studying?
Jason: Just going over all my info...
Jason: Send me a picture of urself?
Jason: Ya. :)
*And that, my friends, was what I thought would be the end of this apparent relationship. I did NOT text him back.*
Then a week later on a Saturday night:
Jason: What's up with u today?
*I didn't text him back AGAIN*
Then on Sunday night:
Jason: Hey whats up? What r u doing tonight?
Kristen: You're ballsy.
*I love myself for this comment. I know that I'm egotistical for saying that, but comon.*
Kristen: Watching the golden globes.
Jason: How am i ballsy?
Kristen: You were persistent even after I shut you down and didn't send you a picture
Jason: Oh alright.
Kristen: That's all you're gonna say? :) Really?
Jason: Well I'm guessing you weren't interested anymore.
Kristen: Your request caught me off guard. It was quite forward of you. I don't know if it means I'm not interested.
Jason: Well you never replyd or sent me a text after that.
Kristen: I didn't want to send you a picture. I still don't. :)
*Thus ended that short-lived, whatever you want to call it.*
Jose. He asked to be my Facebook friend about two months ago. We had several mutual friends. They were all from high school. He looked to be about my age, living in my hometown, so I figured we probably had a class or two together.
Yesterday evening, he chatted "Hi" to me.
*I ignored him.*
Today, he chatted "HI" to me again.
I responded with, "Hello. Do I know you?"
Jose: UM...I DUNNO.
Kristen: Did you go to FUHS?
Jose: YEAH. WERE YOU LIVE?
*Again, my spidey-sense should have been tingling. I need to STOP talking to this creature who only understands UPPER case on the keyboard. I don't need to be yelled at. Sir. And really, WERE I live is not any of your business if you spell "WHERE" like that.*
And yet I continued.
Jose: YOUR HOT. CAN I HAVE UR NUMBER?
Kristen: Nope. Thanks!
*And that is when I un-friended Jose.*
I'm on a roll in the men department.
It's my own damn fault, I guess. I should just become a hermit.
"I like nonsense. It wakes up the brain cells." - Dr. Seuss
with love and allegro,